No Crafts, Just Talky Talky

30 Dec

This year, I made good on 5 out of 8 of my New Year’s Resolutions, which is pretty damn good considering two of them (“write every morning for an hour” and “make a diorama”) are on there every year and I never complete them so they don’t even count. That’s baaaasically 100% victory. Note below that weight loss and not eating tacos weren’t goals; thus, my success.

2011 New Year’s Resolutions:

  • Write every day for at least an hour (2012 Me: Psssshhhh)
  • Send novel manuscript out again (2012 Me: DID IT! Rejected 5 times! New Record!)
  • Finish Thriftfulness book proposal (2012 Me: DID IT! Rejected twice, but once they took awhile so I’m operating under the assumption that they stole my idea and am preparing my “suing” papers)
  • Make a diorama (2012 Me: You spent half the year unemployed and you didn’t make a frickin’ diorama? What were you doing???)
  • Pack lunch more (2012 Me: SUCCESS! Being unemployed half the year helped)
  • Spend more time outside (2012 Me: What did 2011 Me mean by “more”? Does deck drinkin’ count?)
  • Continue to garden (2012 Me: ACCOMPLISHED! And I’ve got the pesto breath to prove it)
  • Get good sleep (2012 Me: Did I subconsciously know I was about to get laid off?)

Coming off of that kind of success, I feel like I can do anything!!! I’m going to start 2012 off with a silent bang. It will be a bang because I’m going to get a s*&% ton of stuff done. It will be silent because, get ready, I will not be using the Internet.

One of my 2012 Resolutions, beside “wear less burnt orange”, is to go “screen free” for January. That means no Facebook, no Twitter, no TV, no smartphone (I don’t have a smartphone. I like to throw myself bones). Probably, I will become so enlightened that when you check back in with me in February, I’ll have a long grey beard and wear a muumuu with metallic threaded moons and flowers on it and I’ll have decided that something I previously found essential to life is actually useless, like shoes or tacos or Cheers reruns. I might have purchased some kind of moped to drive around on and I’ll start bringing exquisite blades of grass to people who invite me to dinner instead of bottles of wine.You’ll probably be jealous. I just want to prepare you.

So I’ll be somewhere on a park bench reading Walden to the geese all through January. If you miss me you can reflect on some of my older awesome posts and look forward to all that is to come for Thriftfulness in 2012. Liiiike:

  • I’m going to make crackers.
  • More party themes including a special Valentines Day Party Ideas post.
  • My ass is going to Hawaii so look forward to some coconut shell crafts and mai-tai drunken tweets.
  • Find out how I learned how babies were made.
  • More gifts for kids!
  • A Thriftfulness Etsy shop. Could it be? Yes. It could. If your coordination skills could possibly be more off than mine (not likely), than you might not be able to make the crafts I make, so you could buy them instead. If you have more money than me (likely), you could buy them just to be nice.

If you don’t like any of those things, you don’t have to be such a drag about it. Here, I will give you two whole lines  from a book that I read this year that I really liked and think about when I think about the new year because these particular quotes are about love and being a spaz and being hopeful. I made a computer picture to illustrate:

From Binnie Kirshenbaum’s An Almost Perfect Moment:There. Now I’m leaving. Enjoy the Internet SUCKAS!!!

Love,

Annie

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Merry Kiss Moose, Loner

23 Dec

Here’s a special Christmas treat! If you are a dullard, a grinch, a scrooge, or a violent felon, you may have been left off of the holiday greeting card list. Everyone’s holiday greeting card list. You sad sack of potatoes! Don’t fear! I’ve made some holiday cards for you to enjoy and use to pretend you have friends. Have a looksy!:

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Care Enough to Give the Very Cheapest: DIY Gift Tags

22 Dec

I hope by this day you’ve got all your gifts made or bought because if you have a JoAnn’s Fabrics trip to make yet, Lord help you. You don’t want to see the coupon hoarding and dented ornament grabbing that’s going on there. JoAnn would not be be pleased.

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Adventures of Robot & Bird:Holiday Ornaments Part 2

14 Dec

Turn around. Every now and then I get a little bit awesome at creating orname-eh-eh-ehnts. Turn around. Every now and then I get a little bit awesome at maaaking kickass glitter roBOTS! Turn around! Every now and then I go on k-razy binges and do nothing but make cool ornaments! TURN AROUND! Every now and I make a stuffed bird from felt and then I see the joy in my neice’s eyes!

Turn around, Santa.

EVERY NOW AND THEN I AM THE BEST!

Turn around, Martha.

EVERY NOW AND THEN I AM THE BEST!

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We’ll Hot Glue Your Bulbs, Together!: Holiday Ornaments Part 1

7 Dec

Guys, I found my hot glue gun! Annie got her gun. Maaaa ha.

I had a sneaking suspicion it was in our storage room, but to get there, I have to go outside and down creepy steps and into a musty dark room that may or may not be a huge cardboard condominium space for mice, and I just wasn’t in the mood, thankyouverymuch, to venture down there. But after some time (it was a full week) of trying to use inferior glue for my projects, I mustered up the courage and charged on over, making sure to bring a thwapping stick to ward off any potential critters. I came back with my gun PLUS a folder of old collages I made. I am excellent at making collages. But never mind that. On with the show!

The return of my old pal Glue Gun inspired me to make some awesome holiday ornaments for my fam and friends. Tree ornaments make excellent gifts for the following reasons:

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Barb’s Book Corner: Good Poems

21 Nov

Oh geez, Barb has been a Pukey Patti this week, so we’ve had a lot of post-vomit cuddling time to read (me) and gaze absently at a paper pile of meaningless symbols while swallowing back regurgitated salmon-y flavored niblets (her). Like this:

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Candy Season: The Authier Family’s Tricky Treats

29 Oct

It’s FREE candy season, a celebration I still FREEly take part in, even as an adult because I cannot turn down free treats. Doesn’t matter if I’m not hungry or if I already have a bellyache from the free treats I consumed moments earlier. If there’s a bowl of Sweet Tarts or a popcorn ball or even those gross black and orange wrapped half-taffy/half-regurgitated peanut things, I’m going to eat them all because somewhere in the back of my mind there’s a 7-year-old dressed up like a cat for the third year in a row screaming, “TAKE THE CANDY! FREE CANDY! HOARD IT AND PULL OUT THE NAME-BRAND PIECES AT LUNCH TO IMPRESS PEOPLE!”

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Harvest This!: Five Fall Party Themes

22 Oct

Great reasons to have a Fall House Party at your place:

  • To convince people you’re not anti-social…without having to go outside.
  • Pass off your sub-par cleaning skills as Halloween decoration (Keep the cobwebs. Clean your toilet.)
  • Good way to get the person you’re stalking to come over and check out that new shrine you’ve been working on.
  • Built-in group to pitch your new pyramid scheme to.
  • Because I have some great fall party themes and I’m going to tell you about them right nnnnnnnnn…

Now.

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I Lettered in Crafts: Just Married Banner

6 Oct

If there’s anything I love more than my brand new husband…mmm, nope, there isn’t. Let’s say if there’s anything I love more than… buttered saltines, that’s pretty far up there.

Okay, if there’s anything I love more than buttered saltines, it’s awesome banners. I love the banner-worthy event that had to occur in order to necessitate a banner. I love how it takes two or more people to hang them (that’s cooperation!). I love the way that, in movies and television shows, half of the banner will fall down right after a character ruins a surprise party.

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That’s MRS. Procrastinator to you.

27 Sep

I have some really good excuses for not posting to this blog, mkay. Here’s some things I did:

1. Got married. To a looker.

 

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